A match (rod) made in Heaven

After absolutely begging and begging me for weeks I finally took my girlfriend to buy her first rod, you should have seen the smile on her face. Like a pig in s**t. Of course, no expense was spared and I immediately picked her out a Shakespeare rod and reel combo that was a bank shattering $15.69 . Now, the eagle eyed readers among you may have noticed that I  have had to put the equivalent price in dollars instead of using the Queen’s. This is because some cock in Swansea put American drivers on my laptop’s keyboard, meaning that I no longer have the pound sign in my literary arsenal. To be fair to the guy, laptop technology was only discovered in Wales like a year ago, so I suppose time is still needed to catch up with modern developments.


I was feeling abit disillusioned with winter specimen fishing, so armed with Caitlin’s new high spec match rod and reel. We headed to Chorlton Water Park to smash out a few roach and maybe winkle out a cheeky pike with a dead bait set up on the side. Unfortunately for us, upon arrival at Chorlton Water Park we discovered that it was currently halfway through its slightly unusually timed closed season. So we packed up the rods and nipped down the road to Roman Lakes Leisure Park, in Marple near Stockport.  This venue has a main lake of around an acre or two and a second canal style match lake. The day ticket is a fiver per rod. The main lake is said to hold carp to 30lb and pike to 20 lb+ aswell as bream, perch, roach and tench. The lake is in a beautiful setting with huge amounts of wildlife, which was absolutely lovely except it was f*****g freezing again and to be honest the birds got abit annoying after about 3 seconds. I had even prepared a cheeky little bit of ground bait the night before; for the waggler fishing. This mix consisted of some bran flakes, sweetcorn, bread flakes, some carp pellets and abit of extra added sugar. I used to the sweetcorn tin juice to help get the right consistency, so the ground bait would sink and not get nabbed by the birds.


At this point it is worth mentioning that I foolishly assumed the line supplied on a $15.69 match rod and reel combo would be a light supple 4lb number but it was an absolutely hench 8 lb-ish line. Over the 2 hours of our fishing trip, despite their obviously being fish feeding around Caitlin’s little waggler, we caught bugger all. Did have one good bite but I missed it on the strike. Duhhhh. All in all the lake is a cracking little venue and I have heard it is the home of some lovely looking carpies. Having the heavy line kinda destroyed our chances to be honest. I might return to the lake with a nice bit of 3 lb line on the spool, I think slightly warmer water would likely cause some fish to feed and if not it would at least be nice if half the water isn’t frozen. I also think the fish might be more tempted by some red maggot instead of sweetcorn but I haven’t found a vendor yet in the whole of Manchester. Call me old fashioned but I think its wierd you can buy lamb brains in Asda’s but you cant buy maggots for fishing. Thatcher’s Britain.


2012 Highlights and my introduction to blogging

London 2012 Olympics was alright, I suppose. The world didn’t go all Mayan on us and explode into a million pieces. Greece ran out of money which lead to England having to buy Ireland with borrowed dolla from China which in turn this caused a huge crash in houmous prices globally – wow economics is complicated. Some bloke even flew up to the edge of space in a hot air balloon and then he proceeded to parachute  all the way back down to earth. All without a single brown stain any where near his pearly white spacesuit trousers.

However the single most significant event that occurred in the year 2012 without doubt, was Jack Greener and Jack Cartlidge (that’s me) starting an online blog fishing – Whatascreamer. The Blog shined a bright ray of light into the cloudy dead hearts of literally 2 to 3 thousand people. Whilst I would love to take all the credit for this momentous gift to all humanity it was Jack Greener’s idea to start our joint venture into the blogging world.

Jacky Green took care of everything arty in Whatascreamer, designing logos and layouts -doing a brilliant job of it too. I was little more than a sexy piece of on screen ass, a face man. A face man that was being shamelessly used to increase traffic to the blog whilst also occasionally  catching the odd fish…. then being paraded in front of a camera lense with it. We fished myriad day tickets around Ringwood, Hants. Driving from one venue to the next in the muscle mobile fully loaded with fishing gear and saturated fat products. It was brilliant. Here are some of my highlights from WhataScreamer and my summer’s fishing.



Catching this lovely low double ghostie (above) from King Vincents Lake Sopley. It fell to a Mainline Cell Boilie fished at range near a gravel bar.

tuft croft mirror

Fishing at Tuft Croft Farm, Burley, is always a pleasure especially with some beautiful old fish present in the feature laden waters. This fish fell to Dynamite Robin Red Pellet topped off with a classic bit of fake corn.

Big llangorse Pike



What better place to be mid storm than on a s****y little boat, on a huge lake in the middle of the Brecon Beacons. This pike fell to a trolled lure some say its not cricket to troll lures when fishing for pike. I completely agree . Its definitely fishing .

tuft croft golden tench


Catching this little gold bar according to the bailiff who I can quite accurately describe is the most Hampshirey New Forest going man there is. This little cracking gold tench was caught on a Halibut pellet fished in by the snags.

Jacky Greens PB


And finally the man himself Jacky Greener. Listening to him on the phone talking about his PB at Tuft Croft Farm was hilarious. He either had severe heat stroke or cabin fever from fishing by himself all day. Either way it was a cracking fish and I am gutted I missed the battle.

Salford Keys Pike Fishing with Paul

Today I made my maiden voyage to Salford Quays. The city of Salford is famous for its armed robberies and the Salford City Reds Rugby League team. For those of you who don’t know Rugby League, it is a bit like “real rugby”  but it is played exclusively by Northerners and Australians.

After some unsuccessful trips fishing the central canals myself and keen angler Paul Dallolio decided upon Salford Quays because of  its head of specimen fish. With pike and carp to over 30 lbs and also because it used to be known for its silver fishing too. The water is absolutely crystal clear and although the deepest parts of the Quays is around 27 foot deep you can still see the bottom in places. When construction was finished the Quays virtually transformed Manchester into a port city – MENTAL cos its not even by the sea. Unfortunately, the clarity does make the fish a bit finicky about biting (and also a bit dead because they have all been eaten by predators as there is nowhere left to hide). I have heard its best to scale down your tackle to counteract this. I still only have my spinning tackle in Manchester which is locked and loaded for fishing overhanging snaggy waters hence its tooled up with 60 lb braided mainline and topped off with a 40 lb wire lure trace . Oh snap!

Prior to my fishing trip I made a cheeky layover at Go Outdoors, a shop which is so good I virtually jizz my pants as soon I step through the front door and into the tent section. I have even befriended the staff which I think is totally sweet, but Caitlin Rowlands B.A  thinks its lame.  This traditional pre session wallet raping resulted in me – thenortherncoarseangler BEng – being the owner of yet more lures. I had also intended to buy some 1990’s style polarised sunglasses. These sunglasses would have enabled me to see through the water by filtering the glare off the surface, also as an added bonus I would have been able to pretend to be Jack Bauer from 24 (King of 90’s glasses!). This would have had its drawbacks though because I would have felt obliged to then interrogate every fish I catch in true 24 style.

“Where’s my wife and daughter? WHERE’S MY FAMILY???”

As a blessing in disguise though I forgot to put my contact lenses on so sunnies where out of the question. I mean imagine how stupid I would have looked with two pairs of spectacles on!


As usual zero fish were caught and my fingers got really really cold and I started to look like I had little corned beef fingers. For some reason when my fingers get cold they start to look like reddy orangey reconstituted meat that comes from a can. Any ways, the Quays are lovely, the north is freezing and I am seriously considering selling my fishing tackle and becoming a downhill street luger instead.

NorthernCourseAngler.com Match News

As you may or may not no I am no match angler. No reason in particular really I have just never really fancied it that much. I have however participated in one charity fishing match. That I was EXTRAORDINARILY shit at, in a pairs match over 30 hours, I caught a grand total of zero fish. I did, however, drink loads of Old Thumper’s, and I also got some hilarious footage of my team mate dressed in an Alan Sugar disguise pretending to masturbate; so swings and roundabouts really.

This year I will be entering 2 matches, completely out of the blue. The first match has been organised by the Carp Crusaders in memoriam of David Moss. David Moss was sadly lost to us when he was taken ill and drowned during a fishing session.  Whilst I did not personally know Mossy, as he was affectionately known, I have entered the match as it will be a great way of raising money for Mossy’s family and it will be a good bloody fishing knees up in memory of David. This match will be taking place at Moreton Fisheries in Congleton shown below.

The Main Lake at Moreton

The Main Lake at Moreton

The second match I will be competing in will be the Back Of The Landing net spring match. This is the real grudge match after blanking in the Summer Charity Match, with my old fishing buddy Jack Greener, I am going to try my best to win the match. My strategy is to put a hook in some bait, then put this bait in the water then if the rod moves lift it up and catch a fish. I aim to do this about 60 times and this should win me the match. This match is being held at Todber Manor Fisheries in Darrrset on the runs water Wadmill. Despite being coined as a runs water there is some monster carp and pike in the lake and who knows what will happen. Actually, I do know what will probably happen, I won’t catch any fish and the other boys will laugh at me again 😦


Lake District Pike Fishing Trip / Romantic Valentines Day Break

Just got off the internet after booking a couple of days in February at the Hawksmoor Guest House in Windermere. I am taking Chief Editor of the blog Caitlin Rowland’s for the romantic trip of her life. Dont worry, I know office relationships can be complicated but because she works for me its fine. Any hows, we are going for a days pike fishing as part of our romantic getaway, probably on Grasmere Lake for a bit of shore fishing. I do love pike fishing from a boat and I have had some cracking pike using this method but the last thing I want to be doing in February is sitting in a shitty little boat freezing my bollocks off. Actually, I wouldn’t mind doing that so much, but when my missus bollocks get cold she gets a bit moany. I really cant wait to get to the Lake District and catch some monster pike. If anyone has any good tips for my first lake district trip drop us a comment. Cheers

Literally cannot wait

Literally cannot wait

Join us on Facebook. First to share a picture get’s a free Bentley Continental GT!

Hello everyone! as part of my quest to bring together a new community of people and also to bring a little ray of sunshine into our dreary little bastard lives I have made a facebook page for NorthernCoarseAngler.com hopefully this will be an ideal place to get involved and maybe in future to organise cheeky little social events. I say in future because the page currently has 1 like and its me all by my lonesome :(.


I lied in the title by the way.


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